PG-13 for violent car crashes, women’s asses, the interchangeable use thereof
Diary of a Person with a Very Short Attention Span Viewing This Trailer for the First Time:
0:15: I’m totally giving up on this trailer if I don’t see a recognizable star in the next… oh, hi Vin Diesel!
0:36: A hundred million dollars? I don’t get it, is that a lot? I need some kind of visual here…. Mmm, better.
0:45: I’ve seen cars swerve, and cars skid, but why haven’t any cars crashed yet? … Ah, here we go.
0:51: I’m plagued by a question: are Dwayne Johnson’s arms still as thick as redwoods? Unless this trailer gives me a good look… whoa, HELLO.
1:05: Is it just me, or have there not been ANY half-naked women yet? I’ll need to see 6 different writhing female bodies in the next three seconds, or I’m out.
1:08: Okay, I’m still in. But what about bikinis?
1:11: Better, better.
1:19: I love explosions as much as anybody, but shouldn’t they be mixed in with some sucker punches?
1:23: Hey, a voice over. Maybe he’ll give us a corny catchphrase.
1:32: An airborne vehicle? Oh, please, please, PLEASE let it collide with another, much larger vehicle.
1:46: Now, I know the male characters are busy driving cars, but does that have to stop them from making out with hot actresses?
1:49: Okay, attention span waning. Time to intercut, intercut, intercut!
2:00: All right, it’s been eleven seconds of intercutting. I feel like I could devote some attention to a sustained slow-motion moment, as long as it defies common sense that anyone would survive it.
2:18: Misplaced my calendar; when does summer start, again? … sure, April-ish. That sounds close enough.