Larry Crowne

PG-13 for grating boyishness, uncomfortable love story, graphic depiction of job market

Sometimes it’s nice to see the catty, bickering movie critics of this world set aside their differences and just rail on something together. After making his directorial debut with 1996’s way-too-charming-and-adorable That Thing You Do!, witness the reviews Tom Hanks earned for his sophomore effort:

“An exercise in terrible, pointless filmmaking.” – The Austin Chronicle

“Blinding schmaltz.” – Slant Magazine

“Insipid mid-recession fable in which every honest laugh and emotion has been sanitized out of the equation.” -Variety

“I doubt this script could be salvaged by any actor, any director.” -Chicago Tribune

“Alarmingly, depressingly out of touch.” -Rolling Stone

“Doomed by its tone of hopelessly contrived Hollywood sincerity.” -LA Times

“So blithely nondescript as to carry no real weight.” -Village Voice

And my favorite:

“Just lays there like road kill.” – New York Observer

Ten points to any person who can come up with a profession in which “just lays there like road kill” would not be an utterly soul-crushing performance review.

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2 thoughts on “Larry Crowne

  1. Professions in which “just lays there like road kill” would not be an utterly soul-crushing performance review:

    Professional dead body actors on cop shows. (I’ll accept 5 points for that because it’s low hanging fruit.)

    Prostitutes. (Wouldn’t a be soul crushing review, just disappointing.)

    United States congressmen. (Wouldn’t a be soul crushing review, just run-of-the-mill.)

    • 5 points for corpse-actors. 10 points for congressmen. 0 points for prostitutes. (Your image of a prostitute disappointed by a scathing performance review makes me sad for many reasons.)

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