Abduction

PG-13 for expendable parents, teenage wish fulfillment, coming-of-age via coming-of-federal-agents-to-your-door

 

Rarely do you see a trailer that panders so directly to teenagers’ various fantasies:

1. To discover that they have no genetic relationship to their parents.
2. To have those parents swiftly taken out of the picture.
3. To be described as a “high-value asset” and given lots of attention by everybody.
4. To have a mysterious and awesome secret identity that will make all the kids in school jealous.
5. To make out on with Taylor Lautner, and/or be as desirable a make-out partner as Taylor Lautner.
6. To shoot a gun.

And lest you think that I’m picking on teenagers, let me be the first to admit that when I blink awake every day, quivering in my breast is the faint and wild hope that someone will call me a high-value asset.