Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1

PG-13 for pasty-faced spouses, tedious love triangles, helpless swooning

Release Date: November 18, 2011

 

Fun Facts About This Twilight Movie

  • This trailer is 2 minutes and 29 seconds – the longest continuous stretch I have ever spent thinking about the Twilight franchise
  • The “bros before hos” dogma has yet to gain traction in werewolf/vampire community
  • Being a vampire is not a 100% effective form of contraception
  • Unlike Harry Potter, who merely has to save the world, Bella Swan faces the far greater challenge of spinelessly deferring to the men in her life
  • 50% of marriages with vampires end in divorce
  • Leading causes for divorcing a vampire: lack of communication, albinism, lethal monster baby
  • If you tell the first 1/2 of a story in one movie, and the next 1/4 in another movie, and the next 1/8 in another movie, and so on, you can keep on making money off of teen girls forever
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