R for smoldering rage, barren wintry landscapes, surprisingly hard-to-read text
Release Date: December 20, 2011
Oh, you dastardly trailer.
You, with your fast cuts and your propulsive music and your total lack of narrative.
You know we haven’t read the book yet, don’t you, trailer? You know it’s sitting there unopened on our shelf, and you’re refusing to mention plot points because you’re still trying to guilt us into reading the novel.
“Here,” you say. “All you good little readers, please enjoy this glimpse of the film adaptation of that book you liked. But if you happen to be an intellectual dwarf, a thinker of such monumental laziness that you can’t even be bothered to read bestselling thrillers, then we will not deign to mention plot details, because you do not deserve them. Not until you’ve done meager justice by your high school English teachers, and at least proven that you are capable of reading a halfway decent book of your own free will.”
Well, the joke’s on you, trailer. I can amuse myself all day with loud noises and flashing pictures; plot is hardly necessary. I’ll be satisfied if the movie is just a 258-minute version of what I see here. It seems your supreme condescension was misplaced after all.