Hasbro Blockbuster “Battleship” Evidently Horrifies Its Own Cast

PG-13 for a vast ocean, devoid of plot, with only one human standing between you and a lethal barrage of special effects

Release Date: May 18, 2012


Battleship, a new movie from Hasbro, is a loyal, scene-by-scene recreation of the board game.

Just kidding! It’s loosely inspired by the game, and more directly inspired by the idea of making a lot of money. Luckily, they’ve decided to quote the actors’ reaction to this shaky premise directly in the trailer.

Liam Neeson (with typical restraint): “I want this thing thoroughly investigated.” (0:40)

Josh Pence (urgently): “I don’t think that’s a good idea!” (0:48)

Taylor Kitsch (master of understatement): “That’s not good.” (1:01)

Rihanna (understandably hysterical): “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” (1:03)

Asian Boy (turning towards the camera): [expression of irked incredulity] (1:07)

Brooklyn Decker: [disgusted look as she realizes that not even her swimsuit-model good looks can save the film] (1:19)

Meanwhile, Taylor Kitsch, having already starred in a doomed blockbuster earlier this year, can’t believe that he’s the lead in this one, too.

Kitsch: “Where’s the captain?”
Co-star Jesse Plemons: “The Captain’s dead, sir.”
Kitsch: “Who’s next in charge?”
Plemons: “You are.”

May 18th. A grim day for Earth, indeed.

2 thoughts on “Hasbro Blockbuster “Battleship” Evidently Horrifies Its Own Cast

  1. Pingback: As the Summer Begins, a Blog Ends | PG-13 for Ugly Cast

  2. I almost never comment, but I browsed some of the responses here Hasbro Blockbuster Battleship Evidently Horrifies Its
    Own Cast | PG-13 for Ugly Cast. I actually do have a couple of questions for you if it’s okay. Could it be simply me or do a few of the remarks appear like they are written by brain dead folks? 😛 And, if you are posting on additional social sites, I would like to follow anything new you have to post. Would you make a list of all of your shared sites like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

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