New Year’s Eve

PG-13 for contrived storytelling, unearned sentiment, naive belief that at midnight on New Year’s Eve every celebrity will find another celebrity to kiss

Release Date: December 9, 2011


New Year’s Eve is the kind of movie that inspires audiences. Specifically, it inspires them to believe that they could probably write a better movie.

In that vein, let me throw some ideas out there:

A stoner flick called 4/20, featuring a dozen sentimental storylines intersecting at exactly 4:20pm on April 20, when the whole world unites to take a long hit from a potato bong.

A family film called Labor Day, which follows a diverse and star-studded cast as they use their day off to take care of errands and little chores around the house.

A horror film called 11-11-11, in which… never mind.

An indie film called Boxing Day, telling the parallel stories of fifteen different Canadians explaining to Americans the true meaning of the holiday, all building to a heartwarming conclusion in which the Americans make fun of the Canadians’ accents.

An Oscar-contending film called September 11, about a dozen different movie executives searching for the true meaning of 9/11, mostly by funding lucrative and tasteless film adaptations.

There you go, Hollywood. Thank me later.

1 thought on “New Year’s Eve

  1. Pingback: In “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” Expect Only the Expected | PG-13 for Ugly Cast

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