“Darling Companion”: Oscar-Winning Actors Exercise Their Hard-Won Artistic Right to Make a Really Boring Movie

PG-13 for material inappropriate for viewers under 40 –  or, for that matter, over-40 viewers who expect something interesting to happen

Release Date: April 20, 2012

 

Imagine it’s the future, and you’re flipping through the cable menu with your Google glasses, looking for a good movie to take your mind off of the fact that bananas have gone extinct. Which of the following plot synopses is most likely to catch your eye?

“DARLING COMPANION – Middle-aged people look for their lost dog in the woods.”

“DARLING COMPANION – Unhappy, middle-aged actors search for their pet – and for a way to reconnect with each other.”

“DARLING COMPANION – Old couples bicker tediously over the fate of a dog, who spends most of the film off-screen.”

“TRIPLETS – Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reunited with their long-lost triplet, Eddie Murphy.”

My point is this: Enjoy your bananas while you can, because cable in the future is going to kind of suck.